Lahnsette Maekohlira

Lahnsette Maekohlira
Aliases	Lancette The Organ Grinder GrumpyTechnologist
Affiliation	Green-Dragon Gang
Path(s)	Hunter-Scholar
Biographical information
Place of residence	3rd toilet from sun
Place of birth	Kasentti, Tilus
Physical description
Species	Felin
Gender	Female
Fur color	White
Hair color	Indigo
Furstock	Tiger
Real World
Origin	N/A
Designer	Lancette

Lancette (lànset mækolira in Felinese) is the reason why God doesn't leave heaven. This is either because he owes her money and is trying to welch or simply because he doesn't want his valuables taken.

Lahnsette "The Animal" Maekohlira is a Tilan bandit who leads the Green-Dragon Gang and is locally known for feats of cunning and endurance such as planning and executing the 4017 Kasentti Diamond Robbery or eating an entire barbecued horse.

History

Born in Kasentti, Tilus, her background is atypical of career bandits. Her family was relatively well off, and her childhood was relatively happy up to the point where her cousin was hit by a car, and the driver got off with no charge because his father was a famous movie star. On that day, Middle-school Lahnsette said the immortal words:

"It's not fair."

Starting a life of banditry age 15, she is now wanted in 35 municipalities for sticking it to the rich and giving to the poor. Earning the nickname The Animal because she has reportedly eaten every creature on Firrhna worth eating, including a rare Earth Horse which she barbecued and ate entirely herself. Now, she leads a gang of misfits on multiple escapades on land and at sea, including the Kassenti Diamond Robbery and the Pilamona Trafficking Scandal. Has a high opinion of certain elements of her own physiology, and will happily show you if you ask. She'll even let you touch it. You can give it a little kiss too. That's right, kiss it with your throat. She wants to see it come out of your nose.

She currently resides on Earth, after she journeyed to the far depths of space on the Quest for the Lost Seal (woooooo spooky). The ultimate prize for any bandit's collection is the 15th Great Seal of Drathun, also known as The Lost Seal. 15cm wide, reportedly it was so intricately designed and so fine in craftsmanship, that the felin who laid eyes on it for the first time supposedly wept in awe of it. It was being transported as part of the Chasing Stories Exhibition abroad the SS Morimota when the ship entered warp but failed to emerge from it. The ship is a giant vault of pre- and proto-Council treasures, and a tip suggested that the ship's flight recorder is on Earth having crashed there with the escape pod, and therefore the location of the Morimota. Lahnsette was able to recover these treasures, but became trapped on the planet after drinking and screwing too much at an orgy she threw in celebration, with the courtesans she hired being rival bandits in disguise who waited until she was drunk and flaccid before robbing her while she was unconscious and stealing her ship. She is now currently trapped on Earth and disguised as a humiar by way of an antiquated ride-driver forming a paper-thin shell of a humiar around her, seeking a way to contact her gang so they can get her off this galactic toilet.

Personality

Lahnsette is loud, crass, and has an over-inflated opinion of certain parts of her physicality (specifically the part that inflates). Nobody can agree on where she got the nickname "The Animal" from, but suggestions have included her use of teeth and claws in fighting, her poor table manners, an appetite that can only be described as "colossal and unhinged", and the ferocity of her lust. Despite this, she still manages to be seen favourably as a model bandit both in morals and fashion, and more importantly, as the Felin that sailed to the forbidden island, rescued a princess, and iced the nefarious Dr M.

Skills

• Robbing trains
• Rescuing princesses
• Eating
• Belching
• Solving local mysteries
• Filthy jokes
• Gunslinging
• Dressing flash
• Being magnanimous
• Sleeping
• Throwing parties
• Lovemaking
• Straight-up dirty fucking
• Shitposting