Note: if you have a hex editor, you can use it to program in custom messages by editing the .pat file. The first two bytes identify the file as a patch, and are followed by three 20-character messages. In order, these are shown when the game starts, when it's done loading the patch, and when it's shutting down. The messages in the file are "[--YOUR NAME HERE--]", "[OPENING WISECRACK]", and "[CLOSING WISECRACK]".

#	General MIDI	Munt w/GM	MT-32 init
Piano
1	Acoustic Grand Piano	AcouPiano1	Acou Piano 1
2	Bright Acoustic Piano	AcouPiano3	Acou Piano 2
3	Electric Grand Piano	ElecPiano2	Acou Piano 3
4	Honky-tonk Piano	Honkytonk	Elec Piano 1
5	Electric Piano 1	CS RHODES	Elec Piano 2
6	Electric Piano 2	CS RHODES2	Elec Piano 3
7	Harpsichord	CS HARPSI	Elec Piano 4
8	Clavinet	Clavi 3	Honkytonk
Chromatic Percussion
9	Celesta	Celesta 1	Elec Org 1
10	Glockenspiel	Vibe 2	Elec Org 2
11	Music Box	CS MUSBOX	Elec Org 3
12	Vibraphone	Vibe 1	Elec Org 4
13	Marimba	Marimba	Pipe Org 1
14	Xylophone	Xylophone	Pipe Org 2
15	Tubular Bells	Tube Bell	Pipe Org 3
16	Dulcimer	Harp 2	Accordion
Organ
17	Drawbar Organ	CS ORGAN1	Harpsi 1
18	Percussive Organ	CS ORGAN2	Harpsi 2
19	Rock Organ	CS ORGAN3	Harpsi 3
20	Church Organ	Pipe Org 3	Clavi 1
21	Reed Organ	CS REEDORG	Clavi 2
22	Accordion	Accordion	Clavi 3
23	Harmonica	Harmonica	Celesta 1
24	Tango Accordion	Accordion	Celesta 2
Guitar
25	Acoustic Guitar (nylon)	Guitar 1	Syn Brass 1
26	Acoustic Guitar (steel)	Guitar 2	Syn Brass 2
27	Electric Guitar (jazz)	CS JAZGUIT	Syn Brass 3
28	Electric Guitar (clean)	CS CLEANGT	Syn Brass 4
29	Electric Guitar (muted)	CS MUTEGT	Syn Bass 1
30	Overdriven Guitar	CS OVERDRV	Syn Bass 2
31	Distortion Guitar	CS OVERDRV	Syn Bass 3
32	Guitar Harmonics	CS GTHARMS	Syn Bass 4
Bass
33	Acoustic Bass	Acou Bass1	Fantasy
34	Electric Bass (finger)	CS FINGBAS	Harmo Pan
35	Electric Bass (pick)	CS PICKBAS	Chorale
36	Fretless Bass	Fretless 1	Glasses
37	Slap Bass 1	CS SLAP	Soundtrack
38	Slap Bass 2	CS SLAP	Atmosphere
39	Synth Bass 1	CS SYNBAS1	Warm Bell
40	Synth Bass 2	Syn Bass 3	Funny Vox
Strings
41	Violin	Violin 1	Echo Bell
42	Viola	Violin 2	Ice Rain
43	Cello	Contrabass	Oboe 2001
44	Contrabass	Contrabass	Echo Pan
45	Tremolo Strings	CS TREMSTR	Doctor Solo
46	Pizzicato Strings	Pizzicato	Schooldaze
47	Orchestral Harp	CS HARP	Bellsinger
48	Timpani	CS TIMP	Square Wave
Ensemble
49	String Ensemble 1	CS STRING	Str Sect 1
50	String Ensemble 2	CS SLOWSTR	Str Sect 2
51	Synth Strings 1	CS SYNSTR	Str Sect 3
52	Synth Strings 2	CS SYNSTR	Pizzicato
53	Choir Aahs	CS CHOIR	Violin 1
54	Voice Oohs	CS OOHS	Violin 2
55	Synth Choir	CS SOLOVOX	Cello 1
56	Orchestra Hit	Orche Hit	Cello 2
Brass
57	Trumpet	CS TRUMP1	Contrabass
58	Trombone	Trombone 2	Harp 1
59	Tuba	Tuba	Harp 2
60	Muted Trumpet	CS MUTTRUMP	Guitar 1
61	French Horn	CS FRENCH	Guitar 2
62	Brass Section	CS BRASS1	Elec Gtr 1
63	Synth Brass 1	CS SYNBRS1	Elec Gtr 2
64	Synth Brass 2	CS SYNBRS2	Sitar
Reed
65	Soprano Sax	CS SOPSAX	Acou Bass 1
66	Alto Sax	CS ALTOSAX	Acou Bass 2
67	Tenor Sax	CS TENSAX	Elec Bass 1
68	Baritone Sax	Sax 3	Elec Bass 2
69	Oboe	CS OBO/BSN	Slap Bass 1
70	English Horn	Engl Horn	Slap Bass 2
71	Bassoon	CS OBO/BSN	Fretless 1
72	Clarinet	Clarinet 1	Fretless 2
Pipe
73	Piccolo	CS PICCOLO	Flute 1
74	Flute	Flute 2	Flute 2
75	Recorder	Recorder	Piccolo 1
76	Pan Flute	Panpipes	Piccolo 2
77	Blown bottle	BottleBlow	Recorder
78	Shakuhachi	Shakuhachi	Pan Pipes
79	Whistle	Whistle 1	Sax 1
80	Ocarina	Whistle 2	Sax 2
Synth Lead
81	Lead 1 (square)	DoctorSolo	Sax 3
82	Lead 2 (sawtooth)	CS SAWWAVE	Sax 4
83	Lead 3 (calliope)	CS CALLIOP	Clarinet 1
84	Lead 4 chiff	CS CHIFFER	Clarinet 2
85	Lead 5 (charang)	CS OVERDRV	Oboe
86	Lead 6 (voice)	CS SOLOVOX	Engl Horn
87	Lead 7 (fifths)	CS 5THSAW	Bassoon
88	Lead 8 (bass + lead)	Syn Bass 3	Harmonica
Synth Pad
89	Pad 1 (new age)	CS FNTASIA	Trumpet 1
90	Pad 2 (warm)	CS WARMPAD	Trumpet 2
91	Pad 3 (polysynth)	CS POLYSYN	Trombone 1
92	Pad 4 (choir)	CS SPACEV	Trombone 2
93	Pad 5 (bowed)	CS GLASS	Fr Horn 1
94	Pad 6 (metallic)	CS METALPD	Fr Horn 2
95	Pad 7 (halo)	CS HALOPAD	Tuba
96	Pad 8 (sweep)	CS SWEEPAD	Brs Sect 1
Synth Effects
97	FX 1 (rain)	Brs Sect 1	Brs Sect 2
Patch does not change instruments beyond this point.
98	FX 2 (soundtrack)	Vibe 1	Vibe 1
99	FX 3 (crystal)	Vibe 2	Vibe 2
100	FX 4 (atmosphere)	Syn Mallet	Syn Mallet
101	FX 5 (brightness)	Wind Bell	Windbell
102	FX 6 (goblins)	Glock	Glock
103	FX 7 (echoes)	Tube Bell	Tube Bell
104	FX 8 (sci-fi)	Xylophone	Xylophone
Ethnic
105	Sitar	Marimba	Marimba
106	Banjo	Koto	Koto
107	Shamisen	Sho	Sho
108	Koto	Shakuhachi	Shakuhachi
109	Kalimba	Whistle 1	Whistle 1
110	Bagpipe	Whistle 2	Whistle 2
111	Fiddle	BottleBlow	Bottleblow
112	Shanai	BreathPipe	Breathpipe
Percussive
113	Tinkle Bell	Timpani	Timpani
114	Agogo	MelodicTom	Melodic Tom
115	Steel Drums	Deep Snare	Deep Snare
116	Woodblock	Elec Perc1	Elec Perc 1
117	Taiko Drum	Elec Perc2	Elec Perc 2
118	Melodic Tom	Taiko	Taiko
119	Synth Drum	Taiko Rim	Taiko Rim
120	Reverse Cymbal	Cymbal	Cymbal
Sound effects
121	Guitar Fret Noise	Castanets	Castanets
122	Breath Noise	Triangle	Triangle
123	Seashore	Orche Hit	Orche Hit
124	Bird Tweet	Telephone	Telephone
125	Telephone Ring	Bird Tweet	Bird Tweet
126	Helicopter	OneNoteJam	One Note Jam
127	Applause	WaterBells	Water Bells
128	Gunshot	JungleTune	Jungle Tune