Guardians: Pick up different kids
By Bufu
Your name is JOHN LALONDE. Your house is currently having a blackout and you are MILDLY FREAKED OUT BY IT. However, your LAPTOP COMPUTER is providing a good source of light. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You enjoy creative writing and ARE NOT SECRETIVE ABOUT IT IN THE LEAST. You are slightly more secretive about your fixation on AWFUL MOVIES, however. You have a fondness for GHOSTS AND SPOOKY THINGS, but nothing too spooky. You also like to KNIT, which is a totally MANLY PASTTIME no matter what anybody says. You also quite like WIZARDS, an interest you and your MOTHER bond over frequently.
You used to use the CHUMHANDLE genappeThaumaturge but due to UNSOLICITED ATTENTION FROM RATHER RUDE INDIVIDUALS, you had to settle for the much less elegant ectoBiologist.
You decide to harass the BIRTHDAY GIRL into playing this NEW GAME with you.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tragicTomfoolery [TT] --
EB: Hi Rose, happy birthday!
TT: thank you john
EB: Have you had a good birthday so far?
TT: aside from dad filling the entire house with cake, yes
TT: i received a very nice copy of the grimoire from him as well
EB: Oh cool! Bit hardcore gothy for me but I do quite like Lovecraft's writing style. Mom got me a copy of that a while ago too
TT: really? suppose that seems like something she would do!
EB: Anyway, did you get the sburb copy I sent you yet?
TT: haha i'm guessing I'm the next in line for your harassment?
EB: I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about Rose, you frothing lunatic.
TT: strider said earlier you've been harassing her to play all day
TT: even though she doesn't even have her own copy of the game
EB: Her bro has them though, why can't she just get them from him?
TT: not all of us are lucky enough to have the domestic bliss you have
TT: with your huge mansion and wizard-loving mother
TT: jade navigates an endless maze of puppet proboscis and irony every day just to heat up a burrito
TT: dave, from what i can gather from his insane ramblings, is raised by a dog
TT: meanwhile i'm stuck with a cat-loving nutcase who insists on baking me cake, in what can only be a relentless effort to make me overweight, as well as challenge me to these horrific prank-offs whenever our paths cross
TT: even knowing my ineptness in prankstery he continues to torture me with it
TT: i think he thinks that my low prankster's gambit makes me a failure of an egbert
EB: Oooor he just likes pranks and you're crazy?
EB: And its not like I really like Mom constantly showering me with stuff!
EB: She gave me a pony the other day, can you believe?
TT: tragic.
EB: I'm a boy! Dave will rip on me to no end if he finds out I've got a pony! One with a cute little heart on its rump, no less.
TT: what's this equine's name?
EB: Maplehoof.
TT: I see
EB: It's an adorable name!
TT: quite
EB: My pony's hardly the important issue here anyway. Awesome as she is.
EB: And you're so not getting a ride off her by the way.
TT: oh john how can you be so cruel
TT: i weep at my deprivation of a goofy horse i have no interest in
EB: Whateverrr, are we playing this game or what?
TT: rather than harassing your lady friends for their company, why don't you just ask dave to play, he probably already has the game
TT: with all of his psychic future-seeing nonsense, he's probably got the game loaded and ready waiting
EB: Like he's even awake!
EB: Just check the mailbox, please. You'll probably have a purple package waiting for you from me
TT: hm, well the signal flag is up
EB: The what?
TT: the flippy thing
EB: Oh, yes. I knew that.
TT: of course you did john
TT: i'm off to try and get it. hopefully my dad won't harass me with any more cake on the way down
EB: Man how can you ever get sick of cake? What's wrong with cake?
TT: many many things john
EB: Eer okay? See you in a min, Rose!
-- tragicTomfoolery [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
Your name is JOHN STRIDER. It is an unseasonably warm April day, and just so happens to be the same day as your FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY. Your BEDROOM WINDOW is open to let some air in since you managed to bust your fan earlier attempting a SWEET MAGIC TRICK. Which brings us to your variety of interests, which a sorta-cool guy like you is bound to have. You enjoy various HORRIBLE MOVIES, though you claim this is ENTIRELY IRONIC. You also enjoy spinning SWEET JAMS on your turntables, but you AREN'T VERY GOOD AT IT. Your like to program computers and are TOTALLY AWESOME AT IT, and have made several programs and games under the careful guidance of your AWESOME BRO. Like your bro, you collect SHITTY SWORDS and practice with them, but just end up looking like KIND OF A DOOFUS in your room. You like attempting to beat your bro in his WEIRD MIND GAMES but he always seems to get the upper hand.
Your old CHUMHANDLE was glitchyTurntables but due to a BUNCH OF ASSHOLES GETTING UP IN YOUR GRILL, you had to change it to the slightly less cool ectoBiologist.
You decide to go wish your GOOD CHUM a happy birthday.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tempotouchGuazetto [TG] --
EB: hey bro happy birthday
TG: oh hey john
EB: get anything good
EB: like anything noteworthy
EB: that you might wanna tell me about
TG: dude if you want to know what i thought of your present just ask
EB: uh wow was that that transparent
TG: you suck at being cool haha
EB: well okay did you or did you not flip your shit
TG: yeah
EB: yeah?
TG: yeah it was pretty sweet
TG: okay pretty awesome to be honest
TG: thanks!
TG: though i'm kinda weirded out you want me to get in on you and your bros weird shades thing
EB: just trying to teach you how to be cool
EB: because i am the MASTER of that
EB: awesome shades = first step towards being as sweet as a strider bro
EB: coolness 101 take some notes
TG: hahahahaha lmao
TG: you are such a dork
TG: i mean seriously are you fucking kidding me john?
TG: youre the one who has seen con air like fifty million times not me
EB: you just dont get it god egbert
EB: i enjoy con air ironically!
TG: yeah
TG: sure
TG: nothing to do with your crazy mancrush on nic cage or anything
TG: i bet you sleep with that dumb bunny i got you don't you?
TG: turning out the lights with your head ducked under the covers so your bro won't see you snuggling up to it and nibbling its ear and shit
EB: IRONICALLY!!
TG: hahaha
TG: so lame
EB: >:(
EB: oh fuck aaa
TG: what
EB: urgh
EB: stupid lil cal just popped out of nowhere and scared the shit out of me
TG: oh that thing
TG: jesus how do you sleep at night with that monstrosity lurking about your apartment
EB: stupid puppets
TG: god your bro is such a freak
EB: ill take puppets over goofy clowns any day though
EB: at least this weird crap is ironic
EB: just on a level i dont get yet
TG: that level is called a fetish dude
EB: your dad is just like wooo i love clowns honk honk honk
TG: they're harlequins john seriously
EB: im rolling my eyes beneath my coolguy shades
TG: and they're awesome so FU
EB: hahaha
EB: so lame
TG: harlequins are awesome
TG: john strider loves puppet dick
TG: all there is to say on the matter
EB: argh lil cal go awaaaay okay ill talk you later dave im having a crisis!
TG: haha you have fun with that bro
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tempotouchGuazetto [TG] --
Your name is JOHN HARLEY. You have just waken from a restful nap you CHOSE TO HAVE because you enjoy using your TOTALLY BADASS DREAMBOT. Aside from dreaming, you have a variety of INTERESTS. As you are in the GARDEN ATRIUM, you are mostly just preoccupied with your interest in HORTICULTURE at the moment. However, you find it easy to remember your OTHER INTERESTS. You love FRIENDLY COMPETITIONS OF ONEUPMANSHIP, even if mostly these are usually just between you and your AWESOME DOG. You have a profound zeal for ROBOTICS AND COOL MECHANICAL THINGS which your GRANDPA taught you to build. He attempted to teach you about NUCLEAR PHYSICS too but found you JUST DID NOT GET IT. So instead your grandpa decided to just teach you TRICKS OF THE EYE AND SLEIGHT OF HAND. You are a SKILLED MARKSMAN but would never think of laying your crosshairs on an innocent creature. You have kind of SPOOKY PRECOGNITIVE POWERS which you use mostly just to MESS WITH PEOPLE. You also obsessed with various SILLY MOVIES which would embarrass most people, but you live alone on an island in the pacific so ITS NOT LIKE YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THESE ARE BAD.
You used to use the super-awesome CHUMHANDLE gadgetryTopiary but thanks to a bunch of MEAN JERKS THAT MAKE OTHER PRANKSTERS LOOK BAD, you ended up changing your handle to the still pretty awesome ectoBiologist.
You decide to share your DREAM VISION with your best friend and wish her a happy birthday.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gambitGifted [GG] --
EB: hi happy birthday jade!!! <3
GG: yay thanks john!
GG: it is crazy up in here today
GG: so much sweet loot, like birthday and christmas all at once!
GG: oh and me and dad baked this crazy-awesome cake today, i wish i could share it with you!
GG: though he still won the prankster's gambit. I had to go wash pie out of my hair again haha
EB: oh man that sounds fun!
EB: but uuh i kind of have more important things to tell you!
EB: oh wait have you got that game?
EB: because you and dave need to start playing that right away
GG: huh? sburb? yeah it looks pretty fun but dave is too busy strifing with his mom to be any use right now >_>
EB: man he is such a goof
GG: the biggest goof!
GG: his present is soooo cute though! he knit me this awesome little fluffy wolfy hat
GG: though um i really probably wasn't supposed to tell you that
EB: hahaha oh my god he actually used the stuff rose got him???
GG: oh my god don't say i told you he'll flip
EB: lol dont worry my lips are sealed
GG: and roses present is a bit weird but still cool! she is soooo coooooooool
GG: and i still havent got your present yet john
EB: yeah i know!! dont worry youll get it soon enough
EB: oh man i am busting a gut trying not to tell you
EB: it is
EB: so
EB: coooooooool!!
GG: aaargh stop teasing me. i'm all excited now!
GG: is it one of your cool robots?
GG: or a pumpkin?
EB: yeah very funny jade. like id keep hold of a pumpkin long enough to send you it :\
EB: but hmm a robot you say?
EB: i don't knooow you'll just have to wait and see! <3
GG: so what was the important stuff?
EB: uuuh i dunno
EB: kinda hard to remember
EB: i should use reminders or something, man!!! im such a doofus
GG: jeeeeez john
EB: dunno if i could tell you before you woke up anyway urgh man i suck at this
GG: nooo i bet you dont
GG: though i dunno what youre talking about tbh >_> youre weiiird sometimes john
EB: hehe sorry
EB: by the way jade youre gonna fall asleep soon so make sure you get sburb installed first
GG: noooo what im not even tired that is so crap
GG: stupid narcolepsy!! >:(
GG: wait how the heck do you know that >_>
EB: dunno!
EB: woah!!
GG: :O??
EB: big crazy splosion outside my house
EB: i'm gonna go find bec and check it out
EB: just a boy and his badass dog on an awesome adventure together
EB: fighting the bad guys like street-tough mavericks with nothing to lose!!!
GG: hahaha okay john be careful
EB: okay will do <3
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gambitGifted [GG] --