Two young adult humans and two trolls of about the same age sat in a secluded corner of a restaurant in Beatty, talking about recent events.
"Karkat", John started, "when you guys lost your items, didn't Kanaya lose that... what was it called again, Matriorb?"
"That's exactly what it's called, Egbert, and she did. It's been bothering us for a while now."
The lady in the black dress considered the statement. "Am I right to assume that this is because there are only twelve of you in existance right now, against almost seven billion humans, and you have no idea how to increase your numbers?"
Terezi stopped picking at her food. "Seven billion. It's no fun going from galactic conquerors to virtually extinct, y'know?"
"I think I can imagine why", John tried. "So without the matriorb, you don't have any way to procreate?"
Rose interrupted before Karkat and Terezi could react. "Actually I think there might be a way, although it requires a fairly huge leap of logic to comprehend."
Karkat's interest was piqued right away. "I'm open for any suggestions if it means saving my goddamn race, Lalonde. Spill it."
"Very well."
Rose paused to consider her words.
"You seem mammalian enough even if, as you told us, you hatch from eggs and go through a pupating stage..."
"Woah hold it right there Rose", Karkat said. "What makes you think that?"
"I was just about to tell, Karkat. Please, be more patient."
Karkat returned to his food, slowly eating it as he listened.
"Terezi has developed what seems at first glance to be a perfectly reasonable set of breasts."
For a moment, Terezi considered her frontal mounds. They were bigger than Rose's, though she never really caught the meaning of their existance. To Terezi, they seemed to be just another way to attract people.
"I've been told by our dear Jade that Karkat's... equipment, to apply a common euphemism, is not entirely different from a human's, either."
Terezi shot a sharp glance at her matesprit. "Karkat, what have you and the Jade girl been up to?"
"Absolutely nothing! She just walked in at an inopportune moment!" Karkat defended as he nervously stroked the sideburns he had been nurturing for the last few months. It was quite a feat of follicular engineering, since it turned out that the trolls did not grow facial or body hair, so Karkat had made do with just growing that part out very long.
"So anyway, what're you suggesting we do then?'
Rose gave John a look. John shrugged back with a doofy grin.
"We're going to educate you."
"What."
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"That's how humans procreate?" Karkat asked incredulously.
"Yes", Rose confirmed, "even though most of the time it's just for entertainment."
"...Damn. And you're suggesting Terezi and I...?"
"Yes."
"Without a bucket?"
"Without a sordid receptacle of any kind that is not Terezi."
"This is heavy."
"I can imagine it is. John, how about we leave our favorite matesprits alone for a good while?"
John nodded, a hint of nervousness on his face as he absconded from the room, but not nearly as much as on Karkat's. Rose slowly followed, closing the door behind her and leaving a little card hanging on the doorknob. There was something about "scientific experimentation in progress" written on it in her usual flowing handwriting.
Karkat and Terezi sat on the edge of the bed, a small stack of informative booklets next to them.
"So what do we do now Karkles?" Terezi asked as she adjusted her glasses.
"I guess", Karkat considered as he leafed through the booklets, "that some practical comparisons would be a good start. Take off your pants."
"Say please."
Karkat sighed. "Okay then, take off your pants -please-. So I can poke ya."
Somehow, Karkat really liked that shit-eating grin Terezi flashed him...
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A few weeks later, the four met again at the same restaurant.
"So how'd it go, buddy?" John opened. "Was Rose right?"
"Well, fucknut, I'd think the proper reply would be 'inconclusive'", Karkat answered as he dissected his food.
John raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, 'inconclusive'?"
"I mean that fuck all happened", Karkat replied.
"And yet", Terezi interjected, "fuck was all that happened. It was not entirely unlike you told us. Quite pleasurable too, but I haven't noticed anything different so far."
Rose looked a bit down at the news. "I suppose it's good that it was entertaining, at least. I had hoped it would actually help increase your numbers."
"Don't be like that, Rose", Terezi argued, poking at Rose's forehead with her fork. "Who knows what'll happen next week?"
"Next week?"
"Yeah, why stop having fun because it has no immediate results?"
Karkat nearly buried his face in his plate. "Somebody kill me now..."