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Main » Director's Trailer » The Bodshivita's writing thread.
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Posted on 09-27-12, 12:25 am (revision 6)
Overachiever
 

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I've created this thread in order to display the current projects I'm working on for the game, and to gather constructive criticism and assistance where needed. If you dig my writing style and have any ideas hit me up I'm quite receptive to the creative input of others and there is no such thing as a bad idea, and I do plan to contribute a lot to the game.

First Project: Comprehensive Slime content https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RG-2C2e929T4tlBxcD7veS4TFONOqnPBB849OM3PuvM/edit

Second Project: Kawa's original character Chelsie https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-hy5fnEioBGC1MGCiIQiRsr790aWhdIljJjIVkCpHGk/edit

Third Project: Dryads (Cumming soon to a Noxico near you!)

Poor bastard: "How much?" Lilith: "Twenty metric fuck tons of gold and I'm all yours, hawtstuff~" Poor bastard: "Uh miss, a fuckton isn't an actual unit of measurement." Lilith: "Bullshit, a metric fuckton is 1000 metric assloads. Which, if you actually fucking went to school, you'd know was equal to 32.5 Helluvalots."
Posted on 09-27-12, 01:36 am

 

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You need more commas.

I should probably clarify that statement.

"Moaning like a whore you bounce yourself off the slime’s oral intruder again and again rocking your hips slowly at the tip before bottoming out again, impaling yourself with glee as it’s tongue brushes gently against your cervix."

I like this line, but it has a pair of grammatical sticking points.

"Moaning like a whore, you bounce yourself off the slime’s oral intruder again and again, rocking your hips slowly at the tip before bottoming out again, impaling yourself with glee as it’s tongue brushes gently against your cervix."

There are things like this scattered throughout the whole of this segment, like here. Also, the run-on sentence at the beginning is driving me mad and makes me want to edit it a little just to break it up for ease of reading.

Finally getting into the groove you lower your body along with your partner’s head to the ground bucking your hips to the rhythm of your heartbeat sending subtle vibrations through your slimey oral slave’s sensitive membrane, you don’t know why but this seems to have some sort of effect on the slime sending it into some sort of passionate frenzy and before you know it your love canal is being filled with an ever increasing amount hot gooey tongue.

Finally getting into the groove, you lower your body, along with your partner’s head, to the ground, bucking your hips to the rhythm of your heartbeat, sending subtle vibrations through your slimey oral slave’s sensitive membrane. You don’t know why but this seems to have some sort of effect on the slime, sending it into some sort of passionate frenzy, and before you know it your love canal is being filled with an ever increasing amount hot gooey tongue.

I really like your style though, so keep at it. I look forward to the finished product.
Posted on 09-27-12, 02:00 am (revision 1)
Overachiever
 

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First allow me to express my thanks, because comment(s) such as yours were exactly what I was looking for when I started this thread.

Now I've only really been working on this project for about two hours or so it's not as polished as I'd usually like, but that is no excuse for poor formatting.

In the future if you or anyone else sees me slip up, cause I'm not on top of my game please don't be afraid to make corrections with extreme prejudice! I'd consider it a personal favor if you did so, seriously the worst you can do is make the project better.

Poor bastard: "How much?" Lilith: "Twenty metric fuck tons of gold and I'm all yours, hawtstuff~" Poor bastard: "Uh miss, a fuckton isn't an actual unit of measurement." Lilith: "Bullshit, a metric fuckton is 1000 metric assloads. Which, if you actually fucking went to school, you'd know was equal to 32.5 Helluvalots."
Posted on 09-27-12, 02:32 am

 

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I work as a professional freelance writer, I write and edit things for a living. I've already expressed an interest in helping this project along in another post, and if they way that I do that is by proofreading and revising the work of others then so be it. When you finish up that section I'll go over it and send you my comments. Sound good to you?
Posted on 09-27-12, 11:02 am (revision 2)
Overachiever
 

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Yeah I saw your post over on the suggestion box, and I only began to assist with this game today as well.

I actually aspire to be a freelance writer myself! I used to stick to writing fluff and mechanics for table top role-playing games, and only started to do erotic fantasy when all the sexy text games started popping up, now I've started writing for games that have sparse content like this one, so from one writer to another I'd simply be delighted to have you proofread my work, chime in anytime.




Poor bastard: "How much?" Lilith: "Twenty metric fuck tons of gold and I'm all yours, hawtstuff~" Poor bastard: "Uh miss, a fuckton isn't an actual unit of measurement." Lilith: "Bullshit, a metric fuckton is 1000 metric assloads. Which, if you actually fucking went to school, you'd know was equal to 32.5 Helluvalots."
Posted on 09-27-12, 04:20 pm
<i>Prophet of Celestia</i><br>Baka on the streets, senpai in the sheets

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Seen your work, Bodhi. Keep it up.

I don't just program Noxico...
Posted on 09-27-12, 04:41 pm
Overachiever
 

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Cool beans, at the pace I'm going I predict that I'll be done sometime this weekend if not on Friday.

If anyone has any ideas for my next project don't be afraid to speak up.

Poor bastard: "How much?" Lilith: "Twenty metric fuck tons of gold and I'm all yours, hawtstuff~" Poor bastard: "Uh miss, a fuckton isn't an actual unit of measurement." Lilith: "Bullshit, a metric fuckton is 1000 metric assloads. Which, if you actually fucking went to school, you'd know was equal to 32.5 Helluvalots."
Posted on 09-27-12, 05:16 pm

 

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In that case, because I have tomorrow off, I'll go over what you have and give you my feedback whenever you finish it. And my vote is for catgirls and/or kitsune. Because adorable.
Posted on 09-27-12, 05:28 pm
<i>Prophet of Celestia</i><br>Baka on the streets, senpai in the sheets

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I second that vote.

I don't just program Noxico...
Posted on 09-27-12, 05:36 pm (revision 1)
Overachiever
 

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I can definitely get behind that, Nya~!

I've done catgirls in the past but kitsune will be new ground for me, wait a sec.....aren't those two already in the game?! That's supah convenient, I can't wait to expand on this!

Poor bastard: "How much?" Lilith: "Twenty metric fuck tons of gold and I'm all yours, hawtstuff~" Poor bastard: "Uh miss, a fuckton isn't an actual unit of measurement." Lilith: "Bullshit, a metric fuckton is 1000 metric assloads. Which, if you actually fucking went to school, you'd know was equal to 32.5 Helluvalots."
Posted on 09-27-12, 05:46 pm

 

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It's almost like I suggested it because it's convenient... Well, that and fox ears are cute.
Posted on 09-27-12, 05:53 pm
<i>Prophet of Celestia</i><br>Baka on the streets, senpai in the sheets

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You two are great and you should feel great.

I don't just program Noxico...
Posted on 09-27-12, 05:56 pm (revision 1)
Overachiever
 

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Agreed, you ever play pornarinum? One of the few TF that are present in that game (mainly because it's still quite early in development) is for fox morphs, and having specific body parts in that game gives your skill/stat bonuses and special abilities.

Example: Having fox ears increases your int bonus by four and grants you a combat ability that boost your hit/dodge rates.

Poor bastard: "How much?" Lilith: "Twenty metric fuck tons of gold and I'm all yours, hawtstuff~" Poor bastard: "Uh miss, a fuckton isn't an actual unit of measurement." Lilith: "Bullshit, a metric fuckton is 1000 metric assloads. Which, if you actually fucking went to school, you'd know was equal to 32.5 Helluvalots."
Posted on 09-27-12, 05:59 pm
<i>Prophet of Celestia</i><br>Baka on the streets, senpai in the sheets

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I have indeed played Pornarium. As far as gameplay goes it's a great game. Technically... I'm less impressed.

<tangent>
I mean seriously. Require the separate downloading of a VB Classic compatibility pack just so you can use the Shape control, and even then just to draw some gauges? System.Drawing is a thing that exists, Taco. It's not that difficult to roll your own Shape class, even one limited to only rectangles, and use that instead! In fact, if you play your cards right you can just do a global search and replace on their class names and not have to remove every Shape, place the new one, set up all its properties and rewire all the events at all!
</tangent>

I don't just program Noxico...
Posted on 09-27-12, 07:19 pm
Overachiever
 

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Oi Iubdou if you're getting ready to start writing scenes for the game, I'd like to know how you'd feel about collaborating on the catgirl/kitsune content.

If you'd like I could start a new google doc, and we could go crazy with the brainstorming.

Potential things we can do.

Generic sex scenes for both types of female Npcs.
Codex entries for their races.
Two or more unique Npcs.
Whatever the fuck else comes to mind.

Poor bastard: "How much?" Lilith: "Twenty metric fuck tons of gold and I'm all yours, hawtstuff~" Poor bastard: "Uh miss, a fuckton isn't an actual unit of measurement." Lilith: "Bullshit, a metric fuckton is 1000 metric assloads. Which, if you actually fucking went to school, you'd know was equal to 32.5 Helluvalots."
Posted on 09-28-12, 02:48 am

 

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*returns from a long afternoon at college*

I would be more than happy to collaborate on this. It sounds like a lot of fun to me. I think we should come up with a list of all the things we need to write, followed by all the things we want to write. The sex scenes, for example, would go under "want", but we would "need" at least one for each race. I have a bunch of ideas floating around in my head right now, so I'll write them down and flesh them out a little bit so I can show you something substantial and we can refine it, along with whatever you come up with. Just so you know, I have a personal preference for kitsune, so I'm more than likely going to end up focusing the majority of my energy on them rather than the nekomimi.
Posted on 09-28-12, 03:00 am
Overachiever
 

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Heh, I'm glad I have my classes in the mornings, but Awesome! As I've stated before I have little experience with kitsune and am more comfortable with nekomimi, so between the two of us we already have ideas about how to handle the two largest areas of the project independently which is phenomenal in of itself. I'm eagerly awaiting to see what you have in mind, till then I'll be working on the slimes since I'm fee tomorrow.

Poor bastard: "How much?" Lilith: "Twenty metric fuck tons of gold and I'm all yours, hawtstuff~" Poor bastard: "Uh miss, a fuckton isn't an actual unit of measurement." Lilith: "Bullshit, a metric fuckton is 1000 metric assloads. Which, if you actually fucking went to school, you'd know was equal to 32.5 Helluvalots."
Posted on 09-28-12, 03:07 am

 

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Sounds like a plan to me~
Posted on 09-28-12, 09:41 pm
Overachiever
 

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I'm gonna start on the slime scenes again at 6:30pm sharp, and try to burn through it for the rest of the day.

Poor bastard: "How much?" Lilith: "Twenty metric fuck tons of gold and I'm all yours, hawtstuff~" Poor bastard: "Uh miss, a fuckton isn't an actual unit of measurement." Lilith: "Bullshit, a metric fuckton is 1000 metric assloads. Which, if you actually fucking went to school, you'd know was equal to 32.5 Helluvalots."
Posted on 09-28-12, 09:52 pm
<i>Prophet of Celestia</i><br>Baka on the streets, senpai in the sheets

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Protip: Apostrophes don't work that way. And for that matter, neither do commas.

I don't just program Noxico...
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